CAST
Colleen.....Jan Hooks
Secretary.....Victoria Jackson
Other Patient.....Bonnie Turner
Dream Gynecologist.....Mel Gibson
Miss Stevenson.....Christine Zander
Mrs. Scott.....Nora Dunn
Dr. Green.....Jon Lovitz

[ open on a larger than necessary group of women sitting in a waiting room ]
COLLEEN: I'm Colleen Walsh, and I have a 10 o'clock appointment with the doctor. I'm a new patient.
SECRETARY: Take a number.
COLLEEN: Take a number? Wow.. Okay. [ takes number and sits down ]
SECRETARY: [ answers phone ] Yes? No, I'm sorry, the doctor's booked solid. No, I wouldn't advise just coming and waiting. No, we never get a cancellation. [ hangs up ]
COLLEEN: Boy, this doctor's busy, huh?
OTHER PATIENT: Oh, yeah.
COLLEEN: I hope I don't have to wait long, or I know I'll chicken out. I hate going to the gynecologist, don't you?
OTHER PATIENT: [ shakes head ] Not really.
MEL GIBSON: DREAM GYNECOLOGIST: [ steps out of his office ] Uh.. Miss Stevenson?

[ title graphic appears over Mel Gibson ]
Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist: And now, another episode of Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist.

[ Miss Stevenson brushes her hair before approaching the doctor ]
MEL GIBSON: DREAM GYNECOLOGIST: I hope you didn't have to wait too long.
MISS STEVENSON: Oh, no, not at all! [ hurries into the office ]
COLLEEN: [ looking on ] Oh.
[ Mrs. Scott exits the doctor's office, looking wholly fulfilled, and rushes to the Secretary's station ]
Mrs. SCOTT: I'd like to book my next appointment now, please.
SECRETARY: Good idea, Mrs. Scott. Okay, the doctor can see you in six months..
Mrs. SCOTT: No! Next week!
SECRETARY: [ sighing ] Please, Mrs. Scott. We go through this every time.
Mrs. SCOTT: I need another breast exam!
SECRETARY: You just had one.
Mrs. SCOTT: I'm extremely cautious!
SECRETARY: Okay, look - September 4th, six months from now. Take it or leave it.
Mrs. SCOTT: Alright, alright.. [ exits the lobby ]
MEL GIBSON: DREAM GYNECOLOGIST: [ stepping out ] Ladies, I just.. [ all the women moan and sigh ] I just want to say, I'm sorry we're running a little late today. It seems we're running late every day. I just didn't foresee the practice growing this quickly..
WOMEN: That's okay.. that's okay..
MEL GIBSON: DREAM GYNECOLOGIST: So today I've added a new doctor.. Dr. Green.. [ Dr. Green steps out ] ..Dr. Green will be available for anybody who would like to see him, and you can avoid me. So, just feel free to give your name to him.. [ retreats to his office ]
Dr. GREEN: Next. [ no response ] Well.. I'll, uh.. be in my office all afternoon..
ANNOUNCER: Join us next week for Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist.
[ fade ]